Thought provoking exercise:   Illusions abound for example:  Look up! The sky is not a dome?  The stars are not tiny specks you can touch?  While you can control your thoughts.  You cannot make the river of life flowing in your veins stop and go at will.  You cannot stop your breath yet you can control its rhythm.  Often what your thinking and feeling is more in tune with your own perception and attitudes.  Illusions are created from stereotypical thinking, innuendo,myths more often than not,as opposed to fact.  Make sense?

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MEET A MAGNIFICENT WOMAN SERIES

by Nanipuaaalaomaililaulii Aki Linder

 

This month's Magnificent woman is a tribute to our mother Kuulei Mary Caminos Aki.  

Our Mom and Dad raised us to be independent, curious thinkers, loyal, respectful, integrity based, focused, disciplined and proud to be Hawaiian.  I am writing this story in a style that is reflective of Mom's style.  Meaning she would not want me to speak of family trials but instead she would enjoy "talking story" and the sharing of hope, dad and the essence of Ohana values.  This one is for you Mom.  Hang on sisters dear, this is about you to!  LOL!

 

If you could have seen us as children you would have seen three keiki wahine kanaka maoli (Hawaiian girl children) walking on the side of the dusty road ten plus long blocks to Uncle Billy's Missionary Church every Sunday morning.   The Tourist would stop us sometimes and ask to take our pictures.  One of our faces, and many more of our very long past the okole (tush) neatly brushed flowing ehu hair.

  

Mom said being poor didn't mean you shouldn't be clean and neat.  She said water didn't cost much and we had strong hands which were meant to be used. If we saw rubbish on the floor, in the yard, on the road, pick it up.  Don't wait to be asked.  She taught us to clean the house, iron, cook, make leis, and take care of ourselves and the yard. She taught us to get up and help when we were visiting peoples home.  It is considered "shame" to wait to be asked.  No Hawaiian parent ever wants to be asked, "and what is she/he good for?"  So, mom made sure once we left home no one would ask that question because she taught us.    We  in turn taught our children to do the same.  Shoes off outside the door out of respect for the people of the house.  We greet each other with a kiss, and we never call elders by their first name.  Instead a sign of respect is to call them aunty or uncle.

 

I used to love listening to Mom and Dad sing in our language.  Ho, their voices were mystical together, it gave me goosebumps.  Mom has a falsetto that is haunting to listen to even till today.  Mom at the age of 3 and out Uncle David her brother 5, danced at the opening of the famous Royal Hawaiian Hotel on Waikiki Beach in Hawaii.  Our great grandmother wrote the popular song, "Royal Hawaiian Hotel" amongst many others.  Our grandmother, mom's mom, was also a beautiful singer, chanter and dancer just as our mom and her three daughters are.  Although all of us sing, none of us inherited her mystical voice.  Sigh!

 

We are the children of John Kahawai and Kuulei Mary Aki.  The koko (blood) of Kanaka Maoli (ancient Hawaiians) flow gently in our veins.  We were poor in material wealth but rich in the power of Ohana and the culture we are privileged to be born into.  Our only brother, Sparky went to heaven at age three from fast onset leukemia.   Our parents never got over that.

 

When I look back on those early hanabada days, I marvel at how strong a woman our Mom really is.  Everyday, come rain or shine mom made sure were bathed and neatly ready to walk down the road to wait for Mr. Fuhrman to drop dad off from work.   5 o'clock sharp!  After Sparky died, things were very tight, we had bills to pay and so sometimes there was just salt and poi to eat.  Ulu was a tiny thing so she got fed first. There was no welfare then but it would not have mattered, Mom and Dad would not have asked for help.  By example they taught us to look to the end of our sleeves and work for what we need.

    

Each of my sisters and I is a different personality.  Both my sisters are graduates of Kamehameha School for Hawaiian children.  I went to Waianae School all my life and so our experiences are vastly different.  Yet where it counts we are very much the same. 

Our mother and dad taught us the value of Ohana, respect and pride of being born Hawaiian.  I value the most the ability to apply common sense and sharing even if you don't have it to share with others.  Mom is a great example of that sharing.  One of my cousins told me at our dads funeral how she loved our Mom for making her feel so special as a child.  It was because Mom remembered her birthday and gave her a whole dollar.  She has never forgotten that kindness and thought surely we must be rich for mom to give her such a gift.  Know what?  Iam not surprised!    But I cannot imagine how Mom managed that since we didn't have it to spare, see what I mean about sharing and caring.  Mom gave it anyway and made a difference.  She is still like that!

  

For this talk story part I want to share with you the last Thanksgiving we would enjoy as a family with our very beloved dad .   First I must tell you that our Mom cries at the drop of a hat.  She feels others pain deeply, always has.  She cries when she is happy too.  Keeping that in mind stop and get a cup of tea before you read the rest.  I will wait right here for you!

 

Ready?  Mom and Dad called us to Ohana just before thanksgiving in 1995.  To be called to Ohana is a very significant time.  It can be for joyous or not so joyous news.   Sometimes it is to lend of our strength to an ill loved one.  Sometimes it is to help out for awhile.  Sometimes it is to pay respect.  When this call comes we go home, NOW! 

 

Ululani and Leilani were at the airport even though Ron and I were renting our own car.  We did the usual, "remember when" and "oh man what have you done to your hair", "how are the kids" and of course is" daddy alright, how bout Mom?"    We spent hours and days laughing, shopping, talking story, eating, visiting relatives, and preparing for our thanksgiving feast together.   We knew the reason we were called would be revealed when Mom and Dad were ready and not one minute sooner, so don't ask.

  

 Leilani who cooks a mean turkey (the best) amongst us, made the turkey.  Hers is always mouth watering moist.  Yum!   In the islands we say, "brok da mouth ono!"  (terrific)  Ululani brought the poki and salad and I made the fillers and mom her famous brok da mouth potato salad.  Iolani our niece (Ulu's daughter) picked up the custard crème pies.  (dads favorite)  Como mai (come inside) and visualize the fun and laughter, bantering, playing of ukulele's, telling on each other secrets of our childhood,good fun!  Feel the cool Kona breezes and hear the sounds of the pounding of the surf on Mai'li Beach right across the street.  Enchanting!   If you listen with your heart you can hear Mom and dad singing so beautifully the haunting sounds of aloha, as only their voices could capture, on this special thanksgiving day.  Continue listening and join in our singing and sharing in the ambiance of family at the height of happiness. It was a magical moment in time seared on my heart!

 

I notice off and on in the days we are there that mom is not crying for happy as usual.  She is enjoying herself, yet there is a quiet in her am not used to.  Ron see's it to.  But we let it go and have a blast as we enjoy the jovial laughter of dad.  My sisters and I even take the car and go to Waianae to Zippy's for sister talk then a spin around Pokai Bay where we swam like fish as children and brought our own children to swim at.  We are quietly thinking about tomorrow and the Ohana talk.

 

Next morning sure enough, Mom has breakfast ready.  Dad has his potato salad sandwich and coffee.  Finally he called us to puli (pray).  Mom sits quietly.   Ron makes to leave and daddy calls him back to listen.  Daddy tells us quietly that he has terminal cancer.  He says the doctors report is that even with treatment he has maybe three months.  He tells us he has made choices that are non-negotiable.  He is not taking any treatment.  He is not letting them cut him any more.  No more pills, no interference.  He has signed the do not resuscitate papers.  When we moved to speak, he lifted his hand meaning "no talk, listen!"  I was watching Mom.  She was so still.  Daddy was talking privately to Leilani and telling her what he wanted her to do upon his death, she began to cry softly.  Then he spoke to Ululani and told her what he wanted her to do.  By then, my two sisters and Mom were together crying.  I moved away to look out the window and stare at my beautiful Mai'li Beach and the road where we as children ran to meet our dad everyday at 5 o'clock sharp.  Daddy came to me and I moved away because I knew what he was going to ask and I didn't want to hear it.  Nani girl he said," look at your Mom and sisters."  I looked, they were weeping.  "You my dear girl are just like me, one tough cookie.  I need you to be strong like me."  "Daddy", I said, "I don't want to be strong, I want to scream and break things and beg God to let you stay.  Let someone else be strong!"    "Too bad!", he said, "you're it, like it or not!"  " you can do this my dear girl!"   "Your Mother will need your common sense and expertise at getting things done.  You can do it! I have all the papers in order but she will be too upset."  He gave me a hug and said, "No crying!" So I swallowed them back and didn't.  The rest of what he said to me is ma'a.   Dad had spoken.  We all understood.

 

Once that was settled and everyone was quiet again he told us when his funeral was to take place and together we planned a simple and quiet farewell.  We were to tell no one of his terminal illness except our own children.  It was settled, period!

 

Mom became her quiet elegant self and we enhaled the wonders of the rest of the two weeks together as daddy wished.   Leilani flew home to Montana first then Ron and I.  In our family, we never say goodbye.  We say, "see ya!"  This time, daddy stood on the porch and watched us go and waved goodbye.  Mom was standing there with him, I could almost hear her say, "come on dad time to rest!"  I have that image of him so handsome with his wonderful smile waving.

 

In February 1996 we was excitedly preparing our home for Mom and Dad to visit.  Dad was coming to bless our home Hawaiian style it was one of the three wishes he wanted to do.   Wish one was complete.  Wish two was to come and bless our home and wish three was for all of us to go to the holy land so he could be baptized again there.  Mom was so excited, he was doing well.  I awoke one morning  three days before he passed on, with hard pain back of my stomach.  During the morning I paced and said to Ron, "daddy has bad pain right here, hes really sick!"  He told me to stop pacing and call home.  Mom answered.  I said, "Mom dad has hard pain on the left side by his stomach!"  She said yes she was trying to get him to go to the doctor.  "You talk to him", she said.  He came on the line and said, "my dear girl are you psychic?"  I said daddy let mom take you now or call the ambulance ya gotta help God out and do what is right for you!"  Remember my girl, he said, "no intervention!"    I spoke to Mom again, she was calm.  He would go now.  I called Leilani, she was at a ball game.  Robert went to get her.  I called the airlines for reservations and tickets for us.  We were in the air flying home trying desperately to make it in time, when daddy died.  Soon as we got off the plane I knew because Mom was there with Ululani.  She never would have left dad if he were not already gone.  Mom was a tower.  I was angry but there was no time for it.  We went home and put into motion what dad wanted.  We over ruled him on one thing only.  No Bermuda shorts, he got long pants.  Our children and grandchildren flew in.  We greeted people who came.  Planned a simple Hawaiian farewell representing and celebrating dad in death as we did in life.  Mom was a quiet elegant woman of grace.  My sisters and I spoke and when Kahu came to speak he said, "John Kahawai Aki a graduate of Kamehameha has fulfilled the wishes and dreams of Princess Pauahi in educating himself,doing well and seeing to it his daughters were educated Hawaiian woman to help carry on the legacy of our people."  What I remember most is the beautiful meles in language sung by our people and our mother's strength through it all.  She made dad proud, she made us all proud.  At the haunting playing of taps and the presenting of the flag and empty shells to her, she faltered a moment but only we noticed as we moved to hold her up and watch the casket slowly descend into the earth to the singing of "our queens prayer" at dads request.   We did as he asked.  Mom was magnificent.......Dad was just a couple days shy of 75.

 

Our beautiful Mom is 80 years young as I write this, soon to be 81.  Lovely and graceful.  Caring and sharing.  A little slower but very much the matriarch of our family.   Stronger than dad knew or perhaps he knew.  She recently moved with our sister Ululani and brother in law Jim out of the home she and dad shared for over 54 years together and 10 more alone.  Her voice is still the strong falsetto with the same haunting quality that is soul touching.  She is independent.  Spunky!  She enjoys the absolute respect and loyalty of her three daughters.  Mom would not want me to speak of the hardship of her life but sharing of Dad and her daughters is as she would say "right on the kini popo."

 

We often wait until its too late to tell our Mom's that we care.  We take it for granted they will always be there.  Promise me that you will call your own Mom or Dad and tell them you love them.  Know what?  Tomorrow is today!

  

  Mahalo Mom, we are proud to be your daughters.  Mau kealoha pumehana from your three thankful daughters.

 

P.S.  Hauoli la Hanau Leilani (Happy Birthday)

 

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